He Loves Everyone and So Should You

Dearest Mother,

This week has been so amazing!!!! There is so much I want to email you about and I probably wont even get to most of it because there is so much!

Jazlyn is the one that got baptized:) She is the one in the blue skirt:):):):) The rest of them are her sister and her mom and the member family they are good friends with:):)

First things first. Jazlyn was baptized on Saturday!!! It was so exciting! She asked us not to tell to many people about the baptism because she didn't want a whole lot of people there.. It was surprising pretty full though, and when the rest of the Ward found out the next day that she had gotten baptized many of them came up to us and told us they were disappointed they weren't able to go because they would have loved to come!! I thought that was super sweet of them, and I feel a little bad I didn't tell them about the baptism, but I also know she is a very shy person. Her nonmember family came and the Bishop and the Young Women's president and her family and the main member family that had been fellowshipping. Which doesn't sound like a lot, but when you put together all the extended families in those, then it was a full room (plus 6 missionaries and our Ward mission leader) oh and an investigator of the Elders. The best part was before the baptism when I was talking to her mom who we are also teaching, and she told us that when she gets baptized, the water had better be hot. I thought it was cool, because even if she isn't ready now, she can envision herself doing it sometime in the future!! It made me so happy! And then! Her mom's boyfriend is a less active that hasn't been to church in years and years and years, and since we have been teaching this family, he has been coming to church with them when he can, and he has joined us in most of our discussions, and of course was there at the baptism. Afterwards he thanked me for all that I have done for him and for Jazlyn and her family, and I told him it was completely worth it. And for him not to worry. That even though Jazlyn was baptized, and we have gone through all the discussions with them, we weren't going to forget him, and his own family. We have been, and will continue to work with this family for a while, and I loved seeing the steps that each of them are taking to be closer to Christ and each other. I love all of them so much!!!

Yesterday at church was also super awesome!! Mostly because the missionaries basically made up most of the program. All 6 of us spoke, and I played the organ. Yes Mother. I actually played the organ in church. This I think is the first time I have played the organ (or the piano for that matter) in Sacrament meeting.. It was super nerve wracking.. also don't think I really thought it through very much because I had to play the intermediate hymn right after I spoke, and of course I was crying and so I couldn't really see the music. Needless to say, that hymn wasn't the best, but the ward members thought it was very touching.. so at least there is that! I will be playing next Sunday as well. I don't know what the songs are yet though.. I will have to call the music person to find out today so that I can practice.. haha.

Three of the Elders were new to Albany so they each just bore their testimony to the ward. (One elder was replacing another, and the other two were opening an Elders car area here to help us with the vast amount of people we have to see) The other three of us spoke on the phrase "What would Jesus do?" I was surprised that no scriptures were repeated, and the thoughts were so different. Mine was a lot more focused on the Character of Christ, since before you can answer that question, you have to know who Christ is, and how He reacts to different situations. In a nutshell I said that when things get hard for us, many of us will ask why me? Why now? Why is it so hard? I need a break.. etc. We focus inward. We focus on ourselves. When Christ suffered, He focused outward. He focused on others. When He was being tempted in the wilderness (when He was fasting for 40 days) He did end up calling angels to Him, but not for Himself, instead He sent them to His cousin John who was suffering in prison. Later after He had just suffered the effects of the suffering in the Garden, and was very likely still feeling some of the after affects of it, and then on top of it, one of His closest companions betrays Him to the very people that seek His life, but when Peter cuts off the ear of the soldier who is trying to take Christ prisoner, His first thought is not, you deserved it, but rather to just reach out and heal Him. Because He could not stand to see the soldier suffer. How many of us could do that? How many of us will reach out to the people who hurt us, or whom we know intend us harm, and love them? All Christ has asked for us to do is love everyone. He never said we had to like them, but that we had to love them. Everyone in this world I am sure has felt at some moment in their life that they are utterly alone. Many times they seem to be the most alone in the middle of a huge crowd. We will all feel worthless, unworthy, and ashamed of who we are. We will each feel discouraged and down. I plead with you, just as I did the the ward here to never forget that if you ever feel like that, remember there is at least one person who loves you! That is Christ. He loves you unconditionally!! 

He is always there ready to give you a hug when you need it. And if you can't remember that, and you need a more physically there person, you can know that I love you. I may not like you, but I will love you. One of the things I have been most grateful for in my mission, is the love that I have been able to feel for so many people! I know it would be ten times harder to love these people if I wasn't here on my mission, but I am so glad I have been able to learn to love them here. Many of my favorite people here are those who many look at and will walk across the street to avoid. I might have even done the same. There are many people who I see who others will tell me to stop seeing because they look scary, or they aren't worth my time.. I can tell you that everyone is worth my time. I wish I had more time to see all of them!! It is true that many people are scary looking, look rough or dangerous. Many times people who come to church have very large visible stains on their reputations and image. Visible or not, is it my place to judge? Nope. Its not. I love everyone. That is what I am supposed to do, and that is what I will try to do for the rest of my life. In no way am I perfect at it, and I don't think I will be perfect at it in this lifetime, but I can find as many people as I can to let them know how much I love them, and hopefully help change their life for the better. If they have no one else, they have me. I don't want anyone to be alone. Ever. It makes my heart hurt to much. However, I know that I am only one person. And I am in no way near as powerful or as awesome as our Savior Jesus Christ. He could do all this work if He wanted to all by Himself. But He has allowed me to be a teeny tiny part of it. So that I can feel His love for these people. I feel so blessed to be able to have that part, and I feel that responsibility weigh heavily on my shoulders. If He needs me to, I will continue to do this for the rest of my life. That's how much I love each and every one of you. I'm not sure I can convey my sincerity as well over email, but I really do believe this, and I have made this my life goal. I am excited to see where it leads me!

Anyway.. Then I cried, and shared some more stories, and the whole ward was crying too, and three or four came up to me after and said that talk was meant for them, and one person told me that it was General Authority status.. Which I thought was a very nice compliment. :) Not sure if it was that good, but maybe to him it was since it was so personal and it touched him greatly. At least that meant that the Spirit was there:) I really do love giving talks!

Oh! and then after church the best thing happened, this 10 year old girl came up to me and said "Excuse me, but I'm going to get baptized, and the Bishop said I needed to talk to you" It was the cutest thing ever.. Her dad is a member but has only been recently coming back to church. She decided she was going to get baptized, and later when we visited them, she asked if she could get baptized tomorrow, we told her she had to wait a little longer, so she immediately responded with "Ok, so I can get baptized in 2 days?" haha it made me think of me when I was younger and the things you would tell me when I thought 2 days was so long. Loved it. Turns out the Bishop had already talked to my companion about it, but since I didn't hear that conversation, I didn't know that it had gone on, and it had really surprised me when the little girl came up and told me she was going to get baptized but needed to talk with me first. So cute!

I love you lots! (sorry I had to leave out some of my week that I wanted to tell you, but this is a really long email already and now I am out of time). I hope you are having a wonderful week!!

Love your favorite child,

Sister Monica Walker

PS When does school/seminary start back up? The kids here start tomorrow..

Still here!

Dearest Mother!

I am staying in Albany for another transfer! And my companion is staying too!! So This means I get to send her home which is cool because she was my MTC companion:) I'm so excited for the next 6 weeks!

You have Sister Missionaries now? Awesome!! That is so exciting! I hope they keep sister missionaries until I get home! That will be so fun to get to know them! :) Tell them when I come home, they should feel free to use me for miles and member presents (as long as it is ok that I use the car while I am home:)) I think that is it awesome that the visiting general authority encouraged y'all to have "gospel discussions" with your non-member friends! If nothing else, it will definitely increase your testimony of the truthfulness of the restored gospel! I hope one day everyone will do that.. It would make it so much more fun to be missionaries:)

President Grayson decided that he was going to put two more elders in our area! And they are going to get a car!! So then we will be able to go to the far away areas more often:) I am so excited for it because it means that there will be so many more people that will be able to be affected! President Grayson officially announced it during transfer calls last Saturday night, but we knew earlier in the week because he would call us what seemed like daily to ask about the area and where a good place for them to be living would be. Its been a pretty hectic week, but it is so worth it! 

I'm glad people are still thinking about me:) I think about all of you all the time and when I get the ward newsletters from Brother Martinez each month, I am just so amazed at how much everyone has grown since I have been gone.. Its crazy how the world changes when you are away from it for even a short while!

I remember at girls camp we were always warned about bears, but that bears never actually came close.. I'm amazed that they did come closer though. I have learned that sometimes it is needed so that we can learn the importance of obedience.. (Gospel tie in ready?) Sometimes we are told so many different times the dangers of the "bears" in our lives. Gossip, bad language, laziness, etc. They don't always hurt us, but the potential is always there.. Until it hits closer to home, or it walks in on you at camp, we think we are still doing good! So what if it isn't necessarily 100% right? everyone else is doing it! We start to roam at night, we start to leave our companion. There is a reason there is the buddy system whenever you are in potentially dangerous places. We can get lost, we won't know where to go! Hope is there! First, know that Heavenly Father is always there, if we but just listen. Understand commandments aren't meant to confine, but to protect and free.. Your choices become very limited if you decide to break the rule of not going into the deep forest at night and you come across a bear. That works the same in life.. It's amazing what Heavenly Father sees in our lives that He tries to warn us about, but because we are too stubborn we don't listen and we trip.. A lot. He is always there though ready to pick us up and help us move forward:)

In some good news!! One of our investigators is getting baptized on Saturday! I am so excited for her! I will talk about it more next week, but I wanted to let you know that because it was so exciting when she passed her interview last week!!! Yay!

Anyway, I love you all and I hope everything is going ok with life:)

Remember to always count your blessing, especially when you are down, to choose happiness, and always TRUST the Lord. He does know you and He knows what is best for you:)

Always and forever my love,

Sister Monica Walker

Missionary Thoughts

Hello dearest mother!

I am so glad to hear that you had an awesome fun time up in Idaho with your children, and also that you were able to have a super awesome fun time with Dad's family, and your family:) I think that it is awesome that James was able to baptize his little brother! How cool is that? But it also makes me feel old, because I remember him as a little kid, not as a priest. How time flies by when you aren't around to see someone grow!

I am so glad to hear that Courtney is going to be a missionary! That is super exciting! You will have to let me know when she gets her call and where she is going to go:)

You probably got your thought on coincidences from Gospel Doctrine yesterday, if you didn't then what a coincidence! Because I was going to mention a little bit about that in my email today too:) We ended up going to Gospel Doctrine class yesterday because we didn't have anyone other then the missionaries and the teacher in the Gospel Principles class. We talked about the four sons of Mosiah and Alma the Younger, and one of the things that really stood out to me was the coincidence of Alma meeting his friends (the fours sons of Mosiah) on the road, when they were coming back from a 14 year mission, and he was journeying from place to place on his. How wonderful and awesome Heavenly Father is to orchestrate that chance meeting! I take it from the perspective of a missionary (because I am one) and how there are times where I am pushing along, and things get tough, and then someone or something just happens to come by, and suddenly I can remember why I am doing this! Alma was so excited to see his friends! And to top it off, they were all still firm in the faith! They had all experienced great conversion, and none of them had decided that it was too hard to follow the Lord, despite the crazy hardships they each saw. I can't help but think of the time that I was in Provo for college, and Josh served his mission only a few minutes away from where I was living for my first semester, and then all the cool things I got to do with him because of that! Mainly the opportunity for Ben Josh and I (And Ben's roommate and Josh's companion and investigator) to be able to attend a session of General Conference together. I remember them meeting for the first time since Ben had left on his mission almost 3 years prior, right outside the Conference Center, and they both started crying:) I remember how hard it was for me to not give Josh a hug, but I knew it probably wouldn't be the best idea if I did since no one else knew that I was his sister, and it might look like something else.. And then the awesome opportunity that Josh, Dad, and I had to fly home with him from his mission! That was super awesome and cool:) Granted that last one was most definitely not a coincidence, but really the other ones aren't either, but it just so happened that I was involved in the planning on this one:) I can't wait to one day see the whole scope of His plan. All the tender mercies He gave to each and every one of us every day! I'm pretty sure I will cry for a super long time when I realize exactly how much Heavenly Father planned to give me those blessings and everything else, and how much exactly He spent (in time and love, etc) trying to make my life easier, even in the smallest of ways.

I heard also in Gospel Doctrine something else that I really liked. The teacher was commenting on the scriptures and the power that they have in reading them, in the words that were used, and not just paraphrasing, when someone else mentioned that they had been told something a long time ago, that really stuck with her. The idea was this: We have our own personal scripture, created just for us, it is called a patriarchal blessing. The scriptures were written for all of us as a whole, but at the same time, there will be a scripture somewhere that will have been written just for me. Like Joseph Smith and James 1:5-how that scripture struck him to the core, and it cause him to act on the impression, and thus change his life completely (and in consequence the rest of ours as well). We each have a scripture somewhere in the scriptures whether it is in the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, or the Pearl of Great Price, that was written specifically for us. Word for every word for us. Our job is to find it! That is part of the reason why it is so important to study our scriptures, because if we are not studying our scriptures then we will not be able to find it! Many people don't know that Joseph Smith actually did a lot of studying of the Bible before James 1:5 struck him like it did. Granted the study of a 10 year old might differ from the study of a 50 year old, but the intent is the same. Joseph spent years searching for his answer. He attended many various different churches, and asked each of them to answer his questions. None would answer them, and many told him it wasn't for us to know, or else there was no answer to it, but he persisted, and continued asking. That can be each of us as well! We must be doing all that we can to search out the answers. Heavenly Father loves us so much He doesn't want to hinder our progress. He wants us to learn, not to just coast. He created us to be curious people. He wants us to ask questions. He wants to answer. But He also wants us to use the answers that we have already been given. That is why sometimes it takes a long time for the answer to come, because He wants us to study what we do have first, but He wants us to continuously be asking questions of Him, because it is an outward sign of our desire to learn. To grow. Just like a child with his parents, the parents teach them step by step 1+1=2, principle by principle, line upon line. That is how He works! We keep learning, and He keeps teaching:) I love it so much! There are so many things to learn about the gospel:)

I actually just finished this morning a study guide for the Elders. I went through the Book of Mormon and wrote down a bunch of different things that would be fun to study about. Some of them were the stories that we all know and love, like Ammon and protecting the sheep, some were more obscure things like the power of wisdom. I ended up writing 100 different ideas down, and gave them these rules (oh I listed them from 1-100) the first thing they had to do was pick a number 1-100, the second thing they needed to do was study whatever the topic was, whether it was a story, or a characteristic, or a person, and read about it in the Book of Mormon (and other resources if they so desire), and then they had to ask themselves, why that particular thing was important, what is the significance of it, and why it was included in the list in the first place? Then they had to do something creative with it-whether it was act it out, draw a picture of it, build something, whatever they want to do. And then finally they have to ask themselves why it matters to them, what can they take from it? How can they apply that topic to their lives? Honestly I was writing this out, and my companion said I had better keep a copy for myself because she wants one too.. haha I'm not sure how much it will work in practice, but in theory I think it will work super well.. And in doing so, it will help me begin to dig deeper into the scriptures than I have before. It is going to be awesome!

Oh! and a member proposed yesterday that we do a ward missionary day where the four of us, plus like 20 or 30 of the ward members would go out and try to find people to teach! It was so awesome that a member came up with the idea, and not us! Usually it is us pushing the missionary work, and it was awesome to see it flipped around this time. Part of it, was the fact that we have almost 300 media referrals, and the elders have about 150, and we can't possibly see all of them like we would like to. We can contact each of them, and most of them by this point have been contacted at least once, and received what they asked for, but it is really hard to go back and teach them when we have so many others that we want to go and try to see. Doing the ward missionary activity will be awesome because it should allow for us to spend less time trying to contact each of these and setting up appointments, and rather more time teaching. Plus then we can take the members with us that went to each of those places before, and it will be super cool to be able to help them see how awesome it is to be doing missionary work too! Yay!

Anyway, this email is long enough, just remember I love all of you:) and you are my favoritest:)

Love forever and Always,

Sister Monica Walker

Being Positive and New Mission President

Dearest Mother,

This week has been full of some amazing lessons and insights. I really do love the way that the Lord works. He knows what I need when I need it. He knows who I need when I need it. He also knows who needs me when they need me, and He makes sure that I am there so that I can help them.

Last Saturday we helped an investigator move to Atlanta. This person has been trying to get to Atlanta for the last 6 months, and every plan she had kept falling through. Time after time, either her ride or her apartment would fall through. When I first met her, she seemed to have a super strong testimony of the gospel, and of Christ as her Savior. As things began to fall through, she began to lose faith. She told me once that her situation was beyond God's help. That made me really sad, but my companion and I still trying to show her that we loved her, that God loved her, and that something would work itself out, it just might not be in her timing. She ended up moving in with some recent converts because one of them is friends with her and heard that she was being kicked out because her lease was up. Those few weeks were hard for the recent converts because of the negativity that the other lady had. I and my companion and the Elders watched, prayed, and fasted for all three of them hoping that it would all work out to each of their best. We continued to visit and to encourage them all not to lose hope. Eventually we were able to help the lady find a ride to Atlanta (another member volunteered) and she was able to get to where she needed/wanted to go. I was told later by one of the members that was with the lady when she left that she noticed two miracles-one the two recent converts had real honest happy smiles that day for the first time in weeks, and two-the lady had nothing but positive things to say the entire way up to Atlanta. That was so awesome!! It made my heart hurt because of how much negativity she spread to everyone, and how it wasn't just a few people that felt it. The next day (Sunday) Sister McCulloch and I went to the recent converts house and just wanted to check up on how they were doing. We had a super spiritual discussion that made me sympathize (as much as I am capable of) a little bit with our Heavenly Father. One of the recent converts was very concerned over the spiritual welfare of the lady that had been living with them for a while. She noted that although this lady professed to want to follow Christ, her actions did not prove it, and day after day she would hear about the unfairness that life had given the lady. We began discussing the power of agency, and that as much as we sometimes wish we could make people understand the importance of the commandments and following Christ, to do so is the Devil's plan and now our Fathers. We do not learn when we are forced, and more often then not, if we are forced, we will rebel against it, no matter if it is good for us or not. I told her that this was part of the reason why I had decided to serve a mission. I know the truth. I am happy. No not just happy but joyous! I know God's Plan! Sure there are days where I get down, but we will all have those days, the key is getting back up on our feet and continuing on, trusting the Lord to know what is best. My heart breaks to know that there are people who I love, people who I have served for months on end, who refuse to accept their Savior. Who refuse to accept His love. Who have been told time and time again by those who are supposed to be their support, their family, that they are worthless. That they aren't worthy of any love. That is NOT true. Heavenly Father loves all His children, with a love I cannot even begin to comprehend! His heart must break every time He ever sees us do something that He knows will hurt us. He suffers as we suffer. Such is the price of parenthood. But how great His joy is when we do what is right! How excited He is to tell us "Welcome Home my child". To embrace us!

This last week we said goodbye to President and Sister Cottle. As of Thursday they are released as my mission president and wife. It was so hard to say goodbye to them! I would talk to them all the time, they were always there when I needed them! How awesome it was for me to be able to give President Cottle a hug before he left. It has been hard along my mission to not give everyone a hug, and follow the counsel and rule I agreed to going on a mission to not hug any male.. That includes my Mission President. He became my father here. He loved me like his daughter. How excited I was to give him a hug. :) How much more excited I will be to give my earthly parents hugs when I see them again, and how much more exciting it will be to finally be able to give my Father a hug at the end of my mission here on earth. How happy I am that I have a wonderful family who has taught me the meaning of love. Who have loved me no matter what, and who made sure that I knew it too:) Their support is so important to me. Your support especially Mom:) Oh how I love to receive an email from you every week! So faithfully too!! I don't know what you will do when you no longer have a missionary out to email every Monday. You have been doing it so faithfully for almost 5 years. I know my brothers will agree when I say that it means the world to a missionary to hear from their mother's and loved ones. Even when it is sad news, it is wanted. 

Oh how I love my Savior! Oh how I love my God! Oh how I love my Father! I am so thankful for all three members of the Godhead. The Father for knowing and understanding me, for listening to me when I am down, and sending me the things I need to help me be happy. The Son for making it possible for these terrible feelings to not last, for making sure that I would never have to go through it alone, like He did. The Spirit for helping me feel comforted even in the randomest times of the day. I don't know if I can ever express my feelings to the extent that I feel them, but I just want you and everyone else to know that with God, ANYTHING is possible. No matter how crazy or seemingly out of His reach. No matter how small or inconsequential it seems-HE CAN DO IT. We must trust Him. Yes those around us may falter, and we should try to lift them up, but if they fall, we should not let ourselves fall with them. Their choices do not affect our own. Love them. Serve them. Forgive them. 

Remember He loves you. I love you. No matter what.

Be strong, have courage. Choose Happiness and Gratitude.

Love,

Sister Monica Walker

New Companion and Father's Day

Dear Mother,

You can most definitely be president of my fan club:) I trust you to make sure everybody sees all the thousands of pictures that you have of me too.. hahaha :)

My new companion is actually one of my old companions!! Her name is Sister McCulloch and we were companions in the MTC together! We also figured out that if she and I are companions for the next transfer as well, then I get to send her home! It is a very strange thought, because we came out together, but because she served a mini mission in the Salt Lake City South Mission for 3 months before going to the MTC, her mission ends 3 months before mine does. She is super awesome though! I remember when I met her in the MTC, she was super quiet and didn't talk very much, now she talks a lot! which is nice, because sometimes I get tired of talking (surprising right?). While we were in the MTC, I remember being part of a lesson with her, where she shared with our "investigator" that her dad has passed away about 6 months prior. I was super impressed with her dedication to still be willing to go on her own mission so shortly after her dad passed. Remember she had already served fro 3 months by this point. Now I get to learn more about her, and I am so amazed by the strength that she has, and the support that she carries with her everywhere she goes (from both sides of the veil). I love how willing she is to talk to everyone (considering she doesn't know anyone). I love how she has decided to help me continue to prank the Elders every once in a while (no mean pranks though promise) because it is a nice stress reliever during the week, when all of us can just laugh about what was done. (we plastic wrapped their apartment last time). I also love how she is so willing to help me plan and do the things I ask her too, even though they are long and tedious, because I know it will help her learn the area faster, and because I know it will help us be more productive too:)

I don't think I know what the Doctrinal Mastery Program is, you will have to enlighten me on its purpose as you are learning about it:)

I am super excited for this transfer and all that I will get to learn with my new companion! It will be fun to catch up on all the things we have missed out on in the last year since I have really been able to talk to her, and it will also be fun to be able to make new memories with her as well:) We already made some fun memories yesterday when we attended the Sherwood Baptist Church (someone invited us too). It looked a lot like a mini conference center, but the service was basically a rock concert which was a little strange, but fun. I also learned that the movie Courageous, Fireproof, and Facing the Giants were made by Sherwood, or else someone closely associated with them. Apparently I met one of the actors too, but I didn't know it. My comp told me that later:) They were all super nice, and a couple came up later and introduced themselves to us. It was kinda funny to see how many people would look at our tags before they looked at our faces. I got lots of hugs there and lots of prayers. And everyone told me that God loved me, which was kinda awesome. It was very strange for me though because I was used to something so different, and that made me really think about the people that I invite to church, and am I preparing them for what they will see? Many people we invite are used to the type of services that we went too, and I didn't realize how differently they do it until I went myself. It was fun though:)

Tell everyone I said Happy Father's Day! and that I love them all very much!

Love forever and Always,

Sister Monica Walker

Still here!

Dear Mother,

I am not getting transferred this time! I get to stay in Albany! But my companion is getting transferred. We don't know where she is going yet, and I am going to be super sad to see her go, but it will be exciting to meet my new companion and have a new friend to learn all about her life with.

This week has been a super crazy week though!! On Wednesday Sister Danible left on exchanges and Sister Black (who was in my district back in Columbus but now was in this other stake with me) came to Albany with me. It was a really long drive, and so it took up much of the day just getting to and from there to here. It was fun though because then it meant that I got to drive and I haven't really driven in the Toyota corrolas yet. I will get to soon though once I have been in the area longer (so basically tomorrow once Sister Danible officially transfers) The tiwi/black box things that we have in our car are kinda frightening though when we would be driving and then suddenly some robotic voice yells at us to watch our speed. They are awesome for teaching people how to drive though so that is pretty cool.

Thursday we went to our ZTM and we gave the trainings that we had given the last week at MLC. It was a lot less stressful and scary because the mission president wasn't sitting behind us taking notes this time so it was less like a test and more like a discussion. I did however end up singing at the ZTM too. Sister Danible volunteered me to last time we had ZTM. I sang Joseph Smith's First Prayer to the tune of Come Thou Font. It was actually pretty good considering we only went through it twice before the meeting.

Saturday we were in a city called Blakely all day and we did a blitz split where each of us had a member with us, and we had the elders there too with each a member and we tried to go see some of the people that wanted to be seen by missionaries over there. It is hard to always see them all because they live an hr away from us, and we can't feasibly go there once a week due to the mileage limitation that we have, as well as the time constraint that happens as well. It was really awesome though to see peoples reactions when we would show up and they hadn't seen missionaries in a long time, or had never seen missionaries, and they were so happy to talk with us and allowed us to share our message. It was nice and refreshing compared to much of the time here where people close their doors when they see that we are missionaries.

I really do love the South though, and I am so grateful to be able to be a part of the culture here, as well as experience how much people can really love their Savior, no matter who they are, how rich or poor they are, or where they originally came from. If nothing else, we are all united in that:)

Love you all!

-Sister Monica Walker

Reminiscing

Dearest Mother,

How wonderful of an opportunity that you had to be able to go to the Nauvoo temple! It really is a wonderful thing to be able to go to the temple. It is something that I think about a lot now that I am unable to go due to the distance and boundary restrictions of my mission. How fun for all of you to be able to have that opportunity though to go somewhere connected to the history of our church! I remember going to Palmyra when I was 16 and I was amazed at the realness of the lives that I had heard about all growing up. I cried when I went and saw Alvin Smith's grave for the first time. I felt peace every time I went to the Sacred Grove. I felt the enormity of Heavenly Father's love for me, His daughter sitting underneath a tree at the Palmyra temple grounds. I remember being disappointed the first time I went to the Sacred Grove, because I expected to feel a little bit closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ when I walked where they stood, and began the Restoration, and then I had an epiphany--I didn't feel any different from normal because I already had them with me all the time! I had been given the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and promised, that as long as I was doing what I was supposed to do, it would remain with me always. So of course it wasn't any different, because it was already there. Once I realized that, and I continued to go to the Sacred Grove every morning to study my scriptures, I realized that the Spirit began to be with me a little bit more every day. Eventually, during one of the last times I was there, and I realized exactly how much Heavenly Father loved me, a 16 year old girl from California, thats when I felt the Spirit the strongest. It wasn't a super crazy experience where I suddenly burned inside from the Holy Ghost confirming to me the truth of the conclusions I made, but more of a contentment that yes this was right, and yes, the Lord needs me where I am when I am there. That has honestly been a huge part of my mission as well. I don't feel any different from when I was home, even though I know that I am surrounded by His Spirit more often, as well as guided by His hand on a daily basis, so sometimes it is hard for me to think that anything has changed since I left, or that I am growing at all, or that anyone is getting something from what I teach and share. I get disappointed a lot with the progress that I personally am making on my trek back to Heavenly Father, but then I remember that I wont see much of the progress I made until I get home and someone else points it out to me.

The other day I was contemplating the personal progress I will have made by the time I get home, and I was remembering my brothers returning from home on their missions, and how much they had changed. I have always loved my brothers, and they have always loved me, and I knew that they always knew that they were sons of God. I do remember though when Ben came home from his mission, and how much more loving he was to me. I remember that before his mission, he didn't like hugs or kisses because it made him uncomfortable, and how Alex and I would tease him all the time and try to give him a hug or a kiss anyway. I remember before Ben had the strangest sense of humor (as really all of us do) and he made it a point to not smile in any of the pictures we took (still not sure why-stubbornness maybe?) But even through all of that, he was the best oldest brother ever, and he was so kind to each of us, and tried to make sure that we stayed on the straight and narrow especially when we might have strayed a bit. And then he left on his mission, and that was a hard time for me because of all the friends and family that died right before he left. His farewell was a bitter-sweet day because we heard of 3 people who had passed away, and then we had to listen to Ben give his farewell talk in church. I was scared he would leave and never come back. The morning he left he was set apart as a missionary, and I was praying for him, and Heavenly Father spoke to me and promised me that he would come home safe. I didn't think much about it after that, and then it was more or less a waiting game for him to come home. Josh and I grew really close in the few years following that before he left on his mission. We would go to Seminary every morning together, and we would laugh about a lot of different things. Josh was so kind and loving and hard working. I even remember that the Mormon Prom was a week before my 16th Birthday, and even though I technically wasn't allowed to go, I really wanted to go so that I could go with my brother to a dance. When he finally left for his mission as well, it wasn't as hard, because I still had that same promise from Heavenly Father for Josh as I did for Ben, but this time it was just unspoken. I would occasionally read the emails they sent home, and I watched from a distance to see the things that they grew to love in their various areas. I remember getting a picture for the first time of Ben smiling really big, and I remember you and I teasingly asking who he was because we didn't recognize the smiling handsome young man in the pictures:) And then Ben came home. I remember us going over to the Modesto airport to get him at night, and we had Sara with us because her parents were out of town. I remember the smile he had on his face, and then the confusion when the airport doors wouldn't open. haha.. I remember that over the next few weeks while he was home I saw a different side of him then I had seen before my mission. He told me he loved me more, he gave me hugs, he even took me to my winter formal! That was the only time I ever went to one of my school dances and he took me to it, even though he hates dances. :) He listened to me gripe about my life, and then gave me a hug and told me everything would be ok. He theorized with me. And then I went off to college and he went off to college, and I lived 15 mins away from Josh while he was on his mission. That awesome moment that I got to go to General Conference with my missionary brother and his companion, and their investigator, as well as my RM brother and his roommate from Japan. How wonderful of a reunion it was for them, because it had been 3 years since they had seen each other. (They even cried! and it made me cry too:)) And then I got to spend a few hours with Josh in the airport at the end of his mission because he and I got to fly home for Christmas together (I had just finished my semester). And then Dad joined us at the airport and there were so many tears! Since then, I have noticed how much more Josh loves each member of his family, and even the people who are random strangers. I see that he is so much more comfortable with who he is, because he knows that he is a son of God! He has divine heritage, just like the rest of us. Ben takes the time every week since near the beginning of my mission to write me a letter. Josh takes time out of every Monday to email me while I am online. I have watched them all my life, because they are my older brothers, and I love and admire them a lot. When I was thinking about all this the other day, I realized a couple of different things. One, although I can't necessarily see the change that has happened to me since I left on my mission, it will be fun to go home and hear what people notice that have changed (hopefully for the better. haha). I even asked the other missionaries in my ward what they thought had changed the most about themselves since the beginning of their mission, and when they asked me, I thought a lot about it. I think for me is that I will be a lot better at listening to people. I will have a lot more empathy for their trials. I will understand the depth of people's feelings goes a lot further then what I can sometimes see. I realize that my life is a lot better than I thought, and I have been blessed so greatly to have the family that I have. I will work so much harder when I get home to keep our family strong, because I don't want it to fall apart ever. We are going to be an eternal family, and I want to have the best relationships ever! 

The other thing I learned is about our Savior. I have watched and learned from my older brothers all my life, and I continue to do so, and probably will for the rest of my life. My Savior is the Eldest of all of us. He is the epic version of the best older brother ever! He sets the example for me everyday. He gives me advice when I need it. He cries with me when I am sad. He tells me everyday that He loves me. He set the way, carved my path with His Hands. He made it so easy for me, because now all I have to do is follow the example that He gave. I don't have to question if I'm carving my life the way it is supposed to be carved, because I'm not the carver. He is. I just follow. My life changes because I know Him. Like my older brothers, when they came home from their missions, I have no doubt that I will be different, if only because I am trying to be more like my Savior everyday!

One of my MTC friends sent me an email today about something that helps her going when things get hard. She says her brother always tells her that "God only gives His hardest battles to His strongest warriors." Life is hard. No one can ever honestly tell you otherwise. However, God knows that we can get through it. These trials and hard time will be but a moment. If we endure it well, we will be blessed! And how awesome of a brother that He would tell us how we can get through anything. We just have to listen to Him. 

I could go on and on about my family, and the influence that they have had on me, and the love that I have grown for them, even thousands of miles away, but alas, my time is up. Remember that I love you so much!! And you are a wonderful awesome mom to all of your kids! (Even if I am your favorite..)

Sending you all my love!

Sister Monica Walker

PS Alex and Robert I promise I love you as much as Ben and Josh, they just got highlighted this week.. I will probably talk about y'all in some future email too:) Maybe next week!